i wonder if he remembers me

I wonder if he remembers me or if im just a memory

I wonder if he thinks of us or if he finds it useless

I wonder how things would be if he had never left me

I wonder how he is and if im still a love of his life

I think about him everyday and wonder if hes okay

I think about the plans we made while we were laying in the shade

I think about all we said

and the lives we lead

to not know

where to go

to not know where to find

a place he may hide

to not be able see his face

puts my heart so out of place

to not know when hes near

is my greatist fear

broken dreams, shattered hope

whats worse than losingthe love of your life?

Realising you"ve hurt them and theres absoulutley nothing you can do to change that. The one person you love more than anything and you"ve damaged them irreparably, knowing that they"ll never be the same because of some foolish reckless action you"ve taken, knowing that there will always be that little bit of them that remembers the pain everytime they look at you, no matter how many years have passed. Maybe even growing with time until they see you, they dont see you at all. they see and feel the hurt that you have caused them.

     Its a fate worse than death everyday going through life knowing there is nothing you can do to ease the pain or erase it from their memories, hoping you can move past it and help the pain fade, if they will even give you the chance which you know deep down you dont really deserve. nothing you can do will ever be enough, you can never make it up to them no matter what you do but still you keep on trying.

They may not let you know how much you hurt them, even try pretend that they have forgiven you,but there"ll always be that little black spot, the lone cloud on the horizon of everday, that will live in there memories and their heart slowly chipping away at all you"ve built up until it destroys them............... and you